This is the first of several posts prompted by my decision to move to B.C. at the end of the school year. Even though I retired from teaching ten years ago, I still think of years as September to June, not the calendar year. I will move back to B.C. because I have a four-year-old grandson I want to be closer to as he grows. When my older grandsons were born I was working and living in Calgary, far away from their home in Prince George, B.C. I never had much time with Riley and Jesse as they were growing up, and I don’t want to miss out on Ben’s childhood years.
The realtor told me in September to start getting rid of stuff now. I have been gradually putting items in the recycle cart, each week adding stuff I kept with the thought of possibly needing them ‘some day’. One of the first items was underlay that was rolled up in the storage nook in the attic. The only time I used that good grade underlay was to cut a few pieces to make an exercise mat. I had no qualms getting rid of that. The underlay, not the exercise mat. Although not used often, the mat’s cheery fabric invites me to dream of yoga and pilates, maybe with the exercise ball.
The hardest cleaning out so far has been going through my file boxes of resources using the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. I studied the MBTI in the late 80s, becoming qualified to administer it in 1988. I developed several workshops for teachers and parents, and was very involved with the Calgary Chapter of the Association of Psychological Type. For almost a decade I attended monthly meetings, served on the executive, planned programs, networked with professionals city-wide, and even had a 3-year stint as Secretary for the Canadian region of APT. I loved the people I met through the MBTI, and I was fascinated by the field of study. I used the children’s version of the MBTI, the Murphy-Meisgeier Type Indicator for Children (MMTIC) at schools for 15 years, working with teachers and parents to understand their children and their learning styles. I developed a model for lesson and unit planning called “Covering the Bases by Teaching to Type”, and presented a workshop on that at several conferences as well as local P.D. days. So many memories arose as I was sorting out the box of files that I was overwhelmed.
I had to get rid of it. I’m not doing the MBTI anymore. Since retiring I’ve been writing instead of giving workshops on personality type or learning styles. I didn’t continue to upgrade my qualifications, and my material is all 15 years old. I would not be able to use them now. The resources are irrelevant and my knowledge is no longer current. I felt really sad as I sorted through the files and filled two plastic milk boxes with paper and cardboard to be recycled. Sad that part of my life is over. Sad to say farewell to my former professional image and reputation. I am irrelevant in that field now. I let it go 15 years ago.
I was depressed the rest of that day. Is this what awaits me as I sort through more stuff? I have been in Calgary for 28 years and in this house, my home, since 1986. It is crammed with stuff. I have already sorted through feminist archives and sent some to the Women’s Studies Department at the University of Victoria. That brought a twinge to my heart also.
Cleaning, sorting, and letting go. That will be a huge part of my process in the next six months. I’m sure there is a god or goddess of letting go. What I’m feeling seems archetypal. Well, maybe just deep. I’ve pushed my former passion for personality type and Jungian theory to the nether-realms of my consciousness. I have paid little attention to what I formerly loved. I had to own it again, before I could throw it out.
I actually had tears running down my cheeks as I did this work. What am I saying good-bye to?
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